Memories – good or bad

A few days ago someone called me regarding Light of Islam, and spoke at some length about how we could possibly salvage or reconstitute LOI.  It was the first time in a long time that I had had that conversation, and it brought me to tears.  I don’t want to think about how to salvage it personally.  I am happy to help someone else run it, but I can’t do it.  I’m doing really well with the writing work so far and that’s my new life.  It makes me sad to think about the good LOI did, and then I feel sad and frustrated thinking about the hours I spent in there by myself.  Maybe I should feel a little more motivated to consider ways to bring it back to life.  I’m going to NJ for two weeks, leaving on Wednesday, and I am going to prioritize and evaluate the various things I have going on or could pursue and decide how much time I can devote to each.  LOI wasn’t actively on that list, but I will think about it.

 

Sleeping at night is beautiful

I just briefly went through some old posts and was reminded of how many sleepless nights I had over Light of Islam.  My life is really changing.  I still have stress over some things, but nothing like with LOI.

I got two magazine assignments this week, wrote a blog post and started a short memoir that I’m going to enter into the Narrative nonfiction contest.  Things are moving along, thanks to Allah.

 

Eid mubarak!

It’s strange not to send out a Light of Islam eid mubarak newsletter.  Seems like I once again have to remember that I’m me and not LOI.

When I went to eid prayers this morning I ran into many people I haven’t seen for a while.  A couple actually asked me how the bookstore was going.  Most people asked me what I was doing and how I was doing and how I was keeping occupied.  Tough questions to answer.

 

75 sq ft

I went to the storage unit today to try to sort out what I need for my home office and reorganize what’s left in there (which is, obviously, primarily merchandise).  At 75 sq ft it’s not a big storage space but I wish I didn’t need it at all.  I’m having trouble seeing what’s in LOI’s immediate future, and in the meantime the monthly costs, small though they are, will accrue, and the amount of income is uncertain (although it always was, wasn’t it?).  I guess I need a plan.  I need to get my brain out of neutral first.

 

Did I fail?

I wasn’t sure whether to title this “Did Light of Islam fail?” or “Did I fail?”

Even though LOI was mostly me, you could argue that there were factors working against LOI that even my greatest efforts couldn’t have overcome.  Then again, there are blurry boundaries between the two – for instance, in the end it seemed like its location in Clear Lake was perhaps an insurmountable obstacle to success.  I am the one who chose the location.  LOI, like most independent bookstores, competes with Amazon, Half Price Books, etc.  Not much I can do about industry-wide problems, but did I do enough to differentiate LOI? There is probably a combination of fault in both issues.

It may be that the biggest determinant of failure of a business is the reason for closing.  So did LOI close because it was failing financially or because it faced tremendous competition from the CLIC or because I was ready to move on?  Probably a combination of all issues, with some weighing heavier than others, but without all three the bookstore’s fate might have been different.

I guess what I’m really wondering is if I can say I’m a success because LOI lasted three years and we were able to choose the time to close the doors (i.e., rather than getting evicted), or you can say I’m a failure because Light of Islam only lasted three years.

The question of failure has come to mind several times as I plan my new business venture (Written to Perfection).  Do I have a track record of success or not?  Were my marketing materials good enough?  Did they keep LOI afloat or drag it down?  Or were they mostly irrelevant in the end, overwhelmed by the larger factors that led to the bookstore closing?  And am I offering WTP clients a marketing plan that could make or break their business, or am I providing just one of the tools in their plan?  If I write a brochure or a flyer or manage a Facebook page, can the client and I gauge success by the quality of the work, or by increased sales?  I suppose that last question is something the client and I will need to work out in the first consultation so that I understand their needs and we are both clear on our mutual expectations.

I have been focusing lately on freelance copywriting, with poor results, probably because I lack a portfolio or even much experience.  I will need to focus on starting slow with just a few clients, mainly people with small businesses whom I know personally.  Building a portfolio and a reputation is key right now, and I have the luxury of taking my time.  I also don’t want to lose sight of my larger writing goals.  I feel like I’ve spent too much time surfing blogs and websites concerned with copywriting and not enough time pursuing the creative writing I really want to do.  Focus.  Perspective.  Breathe deep, be optimistic, trust in Allah, and carry on.  I’m 50.  No time left for messing around.

 

Day 1

After two weeks of down time (one week in the EMU and the next week messing around with no particular big picture in mind) I designated today to be the first day of my “new job” – one that I have defined myself.  This is something I have never done before.  I was “the boss” of Light of Islam, but there were still parameters I had to follow, such as store hours and tax deadlines.  Now I am sitting here, the queen of all I survey, the boss and staff, the only one to set goals, measure progress, generate income, etc.

Much of what I survey is the messy state of my home office, which should be taken care of today.  It’s been a three-day project to once and for all resolve the clutter and put systems in place to ensure the clutter does not return.  Barring any surprises, today it should be complete.  I like my new office.  I brought the desk I love from LOI, and I got a new bed, a full size with a real mattress and box spring, replacing the queen-size airbed I previously had.  Once I have a logo for Written to Perfection I think I will make a sign to put on the door   I’m meeting with a graphic designer on Thursday to go over both creating a logo and the possibility of me writing for him.

I started day 1 by oversleeping, but I need to catch up on my list of tasks and start on my goal of weekly pitches and prospects.  And so it begins.

 

Whither this blog?

I’m trying to decide where to go with this blog.  Is it no longer relevant, since the bookstore has closed?  Should I continue to make occasional posts to document logistical steps along the road to completely winding down the bookstore’s business?  What about LOI the organization?  Do I continue to blog about it, or is it all over?

Although the blog started with the formation of LOI the nonprofit organization, the purpose was to chronicle the steps toward the bookstore opening.  Although I have been discussing doing a variation on the bookstore – a reading room or library, I keep saying – I don’t know if that’s a logical extension of the bookstore or a new endeavor altogether.

Right now, while I’m in what seems to be a healing period after the sometimes traumatic experience of running LOI, I envision Light of Islam Reading Room and Community Center as something I would oversee development of, not necessarily be actively managing.  I am very slowly starting a new career in writing, which hopefully God willing will be successful.  Right now I am not involving myself in extracurricular activities.  For the time being I am avoiding any leadership positions.

The point is that I don’t know if my viewpoint is temporary or if I will never again have the inclination or desire to open a new LOI.  I couldn’t even bring myself to start over with Islam 101 at the CLIC; I handed the reins to someone else, and so far I see no evidence that it has even started to be what I created.  As much concern as I have had over new converts having support, I haven’t found the energy to try to create some way of bringing them to the CLIC.

The main problem is that marketing is exhausting, and if I’m going to do it I prefer to promote my own new business.  Selfish? Maybe I just need a rest.  Or maybe there is not as great a need out there as I imagine.  Maybe that was always the reason I had to cajole, beg and endlessly remind people to attend LOI activities.  The hell with that.  I’m pretty sure there’s at least a small market for writing and editing, and at least for now a niche market of small businesses and nonprofits who simply need help with use of proper English.  I want to go where business is.  If people don’t want Islam 101 or converts groups or panel discussions or blah blah blah blah blah, then the hell with those things.

Returning to the original point of this post: should it continue?  I’ll give it another week and see if I feel better about LOI.

 

Tick tock tick tock to a day I didn’t think I’d see

It’s 1:42 p.m. on Friday, September 30, 2011.  Light of Islam Bookstore is closing.  I guess I should determine a time that the closing is official.  Well, how about 5 p.m., since that’s when I normally close?  I guess the lease expires at midnight, but that’s overly dramatic.  So should I start a countdown like I did when I was waiting for opening day?  This feels so different.  It’s frustrating that much of what I have to say I don’t feel free to say online.  Suffice it to say I feel a little melancholy but a lot relieved.  I got here at 5 a.m. today and once I get everything stored I am skipping Toastmasters and crashing out.  I deserve it.  And this weekend I’m shopping for clothes for my EMU stay – yes, I know that sounds dumb, but I’m supposed to have buttoned or zippered clothes and I really don’t have any.  And even though I don’t have the money, I’m going to shop for fun anyway.  This is my one free weekend!  Yippee! I’m supposed to start at Nuance on the 9th, although I haven’t yet had my PC checked out and all that, so I don’t know if it will be feasible, depending on how long I’m in the EMU.  Speaking of money, it is going to be wonderful to make a decent salary.  And I’m hoping to make some dough with Written to Perfection.  I have a phone meeting with a designer next week about a logo.  I don’t know if I’ll go that route, but I’d like to have strong branding, especially if I’m supposed to be helping clients with maintaining their brand.  I’m really excited about the direction I’m going in.  Write, write, write.

See, I already forgot about LOI.  It’s 1:51 p.m. and three minutes closer to LOI’s official closing.

After I boo-hoo’ed over people not coming to the bookstore I had an avalanche of customers.  Then today I’m pissed at the world again because it seems like everyone just wants something from me.  Screw it.  I’m getting a movie tonight and chilling on the sofa.  Forget all that crap.

Oh, I also have a tentative price list for WTP drawn up.  And one client, although I don’t think he is actually going to pay me, but I guess I can do one freebie just to get a portfolio started.

Yes, I am looking ahead.  I am relieved.  A little sad.  Mostly ready to move on.

 

A sad reminder

I’ve been sitting here for the last few days as the initial closing discount rush dwindles.  I’m pissed off at the world now.  I’m pissed off that I gave up Islam 101, I’m pissed that no one came for the classes for a month, I’m pissed that no one is coming to shop despite the deep, deep discount, but I’m really glad that this is reminding me of why I’m closing – the endless hours sitting here by myself.  Now I’m sitting here with a whole lot of merchandise, some of which I plan to simple sell to a book scout for crap prices.  Well, whatcha gonna do?  It will all be over soon, and then I will move on to my new life.

I’m in the very early planning stages of a writing and editing business.  (It annoys me, by the way, that people chuckle when I tell them about this, which is also pissing me off, but less so than LOI.)  I got a DBA – Written to Perfection – and have started planning the services I can realistically offer and what I would charge.  I have two friends who are potential clients – well, one actually wants to hire me to do marketing materials, although we haven’t discussed the details yet, including price.  I don’t know why people are chuckling.  I can do this insha Allah.  And in the meantime I have a job doing medical transcription from home, working 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. so I can get it out of the way quickly.  I plan to do more freelance writing.  (I’m now the VP of the Houston chapter of the Society for Professional Journalists.)  And in the spring perhaps I will start the MFA program at Goucher College.

So I have a bright future ahead of me insha Allah.  Good-bye to all that went wrong here.  Farewell to all that I will miss.

And I am going to stop telling people about my plans for Written to Perfection.  When I’m up and running I’ll start marketing it.

 

Emptier

My desk went home today.  (Sounds like it died – went home to desk heaven or something.)  My office now has a big empty space in the middle.  It’s actually been surprisingly easy packing up non-merchandise items.  I’ve been up the last two nights stressing about getting rid of the merchandise.  One person has been in today.  I’m mad at the whole world.  I packed up three crates to take to Half Price Books.  If that’s what it takes, that’s what I’ll do.

Well, now three people have come in and I’ve got all these books in crates.  I sent out a text earlier about the 75% off sale and now people are texting me asking for my hours.  Sheesh.  Onward and upward.  Six days left.