OK, all weekend I read “Pathetic” and looked (somewhat compulsively) at the stats – who was also reading that depressing post and who came over from the old Blogspot blog.  I feel pathetic for having written that post!  I’ve been really working over the past couple of years on cleaning up the clutter in my brain and training myself to focus on the reality of situations, not the version in my head.  That may sound like psychobabble, but it’s not, because it’s literal.  There have been many times – most times – in my life that I concocted my own understanding of what happened and how it happened, an understanding that fed and was fed by my personal desires and fears.  I’m middle-aged now, I’m a practicing Muslimah, and the time has come to let go of all that crap that has created mayhem and sadness in my life. 

I have been struggling to do all this, but sometimes I slip.  This weekend was one of those times – and I think you can see throughout this blog other times when that gloom has taken me over. 

See, I’m facing a seemingly impossible goal.  I could have just taken out substantial business loans and opened a plain old ordinary bookstore.  I didn’t for two reasons: In Islam, interest is forbidden, so the loans are right out the window.  Secondly, I feel strongly enough about the value of this project not to risk it failing based on lack of profit.  I fully intend insha Allah to make a profit, but Light of Islam is more than a bookstore – it’s a community resource, and deserves to be more than just a commercial venture. 

So the daunting goal: to raise $140,000 (yes, the number has gone up as I’ve tweaked the budget), hopefully by the end of December, enabling me to open April 1.  That seems very unrealistic.  So am I crazy to try?  Is this a fantasy situation or can it really be done?  It all hinges on my having clarity of what needs to be done, the self-assurance to do it, and most importantly the skill to focus on it and not lose sight of my personal life and other important things, as Br. Hakim talks about on his blog.

So, readers, be brutally honest – is it crazy or is it possible?